Entries Tagged as ''

SUVs Total Tuvalu

So farewell then, Tuvalu, we hardly knew ye. This small Pacific bunch of islands punched above its weight a few years ago by selling it’s .tv internet domain name suffix to a San Francisco company for $50m. Now the party is definitely over, though, because burning fossil fuels has finally risen sea levels enough to overwhelm the low-lying islands and the entire population are to become eco refugees. Australia, having traditionally racist immigration policies, has refused them sanctuary so it now appears they are going to settle in New Zealand.

And rising temperatures are throwing Inuit corpses out of their permafrost graves. Shades of Poltergeist!

Our Friends In Pakistan

This is a scary article about Pakistan’s ?24? possible nuclear warheads and how likely – or unlikely – they might be to fall into militant fundamentalist’s hands.

When Soy Just Doesn’t Do It Anymore

What some veggies will do for kicks

NRA In Afghanistan

How many guns did Reagan’s White House send to the Islamist fighters during the 1980s?

3 million AK-47s.

That’s a whole lot of sponsoring of terror.

Surely Afghanistan is very close to the NRA’s ideal vision of a country where everyone is armed. An armed society is a polite society my arse! Gun nuts are delusional and have no clue about anything significant.

Here are some typical NRA supporters in Afghanistan:

Veggie Burger Wisdom

Something occurred to me in between bites of a veggie burger. So the CIA is now tasked with assassinating Bin Laden. Weren’t they trying to do the same thing to Fidel Castro for, like, ever? This was the same Castro who used to stand and make six-hour-long speeches on stationary podiums to crowds of thousands.And here’s Bin Laden, hiding out in caves, and the Afghani fighters whom the Russians nicknamed “ghosts”. Good luck!

Combat International Terror

Combat International Terror! Now You Too can Combat International Terror! Go to this website and submit a one-page summary of your plan. If accepted, you too could be grandstanding on CNN before you know it!

I suppose in a way this is a good thing because it kind of opens the intelligence services to free market competition. But also surely the lesson to take is that Rumsfled and other planners at the Pentagon have no fucking clue what to do beyond bombing Afghani villages for the next few years.

Body Chunks

One of the coroners at Ground Zero:

We were picking pieces of people out of other pieces of people. I think the largest part we received weighed maybe 10 or 15 pounds.

Gloria Trevi Inseminated

So Gloria Trevi, the Mexican Madonna wannabe who has been charged with sexually molesting her teenage fans, seems to have artificially inseminated herself while languishing in a Brazilian prison cell. Having a child in Brazil protects you from extradition – worked for Ronnie Biggs.

�What if I had ruined her chance to be a star,� wonders one mom, suggesting that that would have been a worse alternative even to child abuse and rape. Ultimately, only after a 14-year-old Trevi backup singer abandoned her newborn baby � one of several children fathered by Andrade within the clan � could Mexican authorities persuade a set of parents to press charges. And so finally, in March of 1999, Andrade and Trevi were formally charged with rape, kidnapping and corruption of minors.

Big Smelly

THE BOXES are stacked eight feet high and line the walls of the large, windowless room. Inside them are new body bags, 10,000 in all. If a big, slow-moving hurricane crossed the Gulf of Mexico on the right track, it would drive a sea surge that would drown New Orleans under 20 feet of water. “As the water recedes,” says Walter Maestri, a local emergency management director, “we expect to find a lot of dead bodies.”

Monkey Clones

Monkey Clones! I am one step nearer my goal of breeding an Army of Atomic Super Dwarves that will taker over the world and usher in a New Era of Smaller Cars and Greater Fuel Efficiency.