Oh No, Bono

So I’m walking along the street yesterday, and what do I see taking up a whole display window but a single book, spotlighted: Bono: In Conversation with Michka Assayas… with a foreword by Bono. Fucking hell what is the world coming to? Who buys this vacuous shite? Who encourages this dull man to prattle on for hundreds of pages, and then add *forewords* to the avalanche of waffle? The Daily Show put it best:
I'm uncomfortable being a rich rock star doing this. I'm unhappy with that juxtaposition. That guilt has driven me. It makes me queasy just to turn up for the photo opportunity so I turn up for the briefing as well. I go to bed with World Bank reports. These issues are bigger then whether it makes me comfortable or not.Dear Mr. President. First, I would like to introduce myself. I am Elvis Presley and admire you and have great respect for your office. I talked to Vice President Agnew in Palm Springs three weeks ago and expressed my concern for our country. The drug culture, the hippie elements, the SDS, Black Panthers, etc. do NOT consider me as their enemy or as they call it The Establishment. I call it America and I love it. Sir, I can and will be of any service that I can to help The Country out. I have no concern or Motives other than helping the country out. So I wish not to be given a title or an appointed position. I can and will do more good if I were made a Federal Agent at Large and I will help out by doing it my way through my communications with people of all ages. First and foremost, I am an entertainer, but all I need is the Federal credentials. I am on this plane with Senator George Murphy and we have been discussing the problems that our country is faced with. Sir, I am staying at the Washington Hotel, Room 505-506-507. I have two men who work with me by the name of Jerry Schilling and Sonny West. I am registered under the name of Jon Burrows. I will be here for as long as it takes to get the credentials of a Federal Agent. I have done an in-depth study of drug abuse and Communist brainwashing techniques and I am right in the middle of the whole thing where I can and will do the most good. I am Glad to help just so long as it is kept very Private. You can have your staff or whomever call me anytime today, tonight, or tomorrow. I was nominated this coming year one of America's Ten Most Outstanding Young Men. That will be in January 18 in my home town of Memphis, Tennessee. I am sending you the short autobiography about myself so you can better understand this approach. I would love to meet you just to say hello if you're not too busy. Respectfully, Elvis Presley P. S. I believe that you, Sir, were one of the Top Ten Outstanding Men of America also. I have a personal gift for you which I would like to present to you and you can accept it or I will keep it for you until you can take it.
And once more, for luck:
Tweedle Dum, Tweedle Dee

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