“>We Shall Make No Distinction Between Pretzels and the Cardboard Boxes That Harbour Them

“You’re either with us, or with the pretzels” was what they have said, about the latest example of Bush Family wussiness. I mean, passing out over a pretzel? How many people do that? People pass out from drinking too much beer while eating pretzels and watching TV. But Bush swears he’s not an alcoholic any more. Or maybe the Bushes are all wusses?

Maybe there is something more sinister at work? Perhaps the Bush family’s more-than-human reptillian metabolism is at fault? After all, they do vomit on their prey to pre-digest them. Maybe they are good at pre-digesting Japanese Prime Ministers, but not so good at pretzels? But Bush wants to be an all-round good ‘ol boy, so he keeps trying, bless his reptillian cold-blooded heart.

Or perhaps, somehow (surely not!), the reptillian connection is bogus? In many magicks, a surefire way to convey a spell from one person to another is through bodily excreta. Perhaps Bush Snr vomited Japan’s deflationary recession right into the lap of the Japanese, so to speak, and they’ve been struggling to cleanse its voodoo stain ever since?

Nah, probably just a spot of domestic violence… I wouldn’t want to get on the wrong side of Laura Bush either.

Seriously though, there are some things about this that are weird. The US Pres apparently can faint alone and nobody notices? He’s a valuable piece of property, you’d think someone would be watching. Apparently, the only ones who care about Bush are his dogs:
Based on the fact that his dogs did not appear to have moved — “except they were looking at him funny” — Bush estimates he was unconscious for only a couple of seconds.

How much time does Bush spend alone with his dogs, getting tanked on pretzels? And checking out his dogs to see how they are looking at him? What if they look at him “funny” again? Will he put them into military detention for being un-American?

But now I see that Bush Feels ‘Great’ After Fainting, so maybe the truth is more prosaic and the Bush family have simply got too fond of what all bulimics especially know: after your vagus nerve has caused you to puke or orgasm or sneeze or yawn, it doses you with happy happy feelings.