LEAVE HANS ALONE!!!!!!!!!!

Hans Reiser is a geek who helped develop an early journalling file system for the Linux operating system. In 1999 he ordered a Russian mail-order bride. A Russian-educated obstetrician and gynecologist, she began divorce proceedings against him in 2004. Their relationship deteriorated and, claiming physical abuse, she obtained restraining orders against him. In 2006, Nina Reiser disappeared. During forensic investigation, police found blood spatter in Hans Reiser’s house and car, one of the front seats of his car had been removed, neighbours said they’d seen him the day of the disappearance hosing down his car, and he bought several books on homicide and forensics in the days following the disappearance. There was tons of stuff like this. Despite this, among a certain set of anally retentive, emotionally retarded geeks, Reiser’s “Not Guilty” defence and plea became something of a cause célèbre. His trial lawyers’ main strategy seemed to be to evoke reasonable doubt and to paint his missing wife as a bit of a slapper, possibly a criminal or an associate of mobbed-up criminals, and Reiser as a misunderstood but lovable geek whose creepy and endless self-aggrandisement and lack of affect was not due to incipient sociopathy but simply an affectation common among a certain subgroup. Among basically everyone except this subgroup (and Wikipedia rules lawyers), the Guilty verdict seemed certain. A jury agreed and found him guilty of murder last week.

Despite this confirmation of self-evident truth, I was impressed to find a chapter of the Flat Earth Society alive and well and posting in the “Talk” page for Hans Reiser on Wikipedia. It’s the massive online role playing game-disguised-as-encyclopedia at its best. There’s the pure Reiser Defenders there, arguing for several years that he was innocent and throwing out all manner of conspiracy theories as to why he was being set up by the “neurotypicals” and non-self-diagnosed Assburgers of the world. Your basic narcissistic autodidact delusionals. The comments section of the SFGate liveblog entries about the trial is a hotbed of these kooks.

And then there was the alliance or collaboration with the Wikipedia Rules Lawyers, who excel in splitting hairs. There is, for instance, an enlightening debate on the difference between “convicted murderer” and “proven murderer”. The former was acceptable to the OCD sufferers, the latter, apparently, was not (even after the decision of a jury).

One would think that Reiser’s post-conviction plea bargain deal in which he led police to the body dump site where they retrieved a decomposed corpse that had been buried in a ravine within a bag would dissuade his defenders. However, I then read someone on the Talk page arguing that because had not been “proven” that the human corpse located by Reiser was the body of Nina Reiser, it was not absolutely certain that he had murdered her. Later, using dental records, police confirmed that it was her body. I am waiting to see how the Geek Defenders weasel their way past that one.

Israeli Mega Spy Who Loves US

Israeli agents might still be operating inside the U.S., most particularly “Mega,” whose cover name was revealed in an NSA-intercepted conversation between two Israeli intelligence officers. “Mega” was clearly at the policymaker level, as Kadish and Pollard frequently sought files by name or number. Someone more senior in Washington appeared to be directing the Israeli handlers toward sensitive information. Whoever “Mega” was, he is still at large … Israel always features prominently in the annual FBI report called “Foreign Economic Collection and Industrial Espionage.” The 2005 report states, “Israel has an active program to gather proprietary information within the United States. These collection activities are primarily directed at obtaining information on military systems and advanced computing applications that can be used in Israel’s sizable armaments industry”.

Only in Bromley

Two shocked joggers saw a man sexually assaulting a sheep in a field before he ran off leaving some grey jogging bottoms at the scene. They first became suspicious when they spotted him pulling up his trousers and pulling down his black polo top as he stood near a sheep that was lying on the ground … [they] helped the sheep to its feet and discovered a discarded jogging bottoms. Stable girl Chloe Williams, 18, witnessed another incident on May 16. She said: “I saw him in broad daylight. I was in the yard and only looked over because all the sheep were running. “He was trying to grab a sheep and when I confronted him he said he was trying to find his wallet. I was appalled. Then he ran off after hurdling some fences. He’s very athletic. “When he thought he was out of sight he took off a red jacket and some jogging bottoms so he layers his clothes. There are clothes all over the fields. It’s absolutely disgusting.”

Rolling Stone Template Journalism

Beginning of Rolling Stone article on Facebook, 2006-04-20:

It’s an unseasonably warm afternoon in Palo Alto, California, as Silicon Valley’s hottest whiz kid hurries down the street.

Beginning of Rolling Stone article on Facebook, 2008-06-26:

It’s a sunny afternoon in downtown Palo Alto, California, and inside the graffiti-covered walls of the Facebook headquarters, workmen are hanging lights and arranging tables for champagne glasses.

Apparently the weather in Palo Alto is improving.

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Big Game

Sigurdur Hjartarson is missing a human penis. But he's not worried: four men have promised to donate theirs to him when they die.		Hjartarson is founder and owner of the Icelandic Phallological Museum, which offers visitors from around the world a close-up look at the long and the short of the male reproductive organ.		His collection, which began in 1974 with a single bull's penis that looked something like a riding crop, now boasts 261 preserved members from 90 species.		The largest, from a sperm whale, is 70 kg (154 lb) and 1.7 meters (5.58 ft) long. The smallest, a hamster penis bone, is just 2 mm and must be viewed through a magnifying glass.		One species conspicuous by its absence is homo sapiens, but that may soon be rectified since a German, an American, an Icelander and a Briton have promised to donate their organs after death, according to certificates on display.		The American, 52-year-old Stan Underwood, supplied a written description of his penis — which he purportedly nick-named 'Elmo' — for display alongside a life-size plastic mould of the member as well as his pledge to donate it.		Hjartarson said the Icelandic donor, a 93-year-old from nearby Akureyri, was a womanizer in his youth who thought having his penis in the collection might bring him eternal fame.		But vanity may make him rethink the offer.		'He has mentioned lately that his penis is shrinking as he gets older and he is worried it might not make a proper exhibit,' Hjartarson said.		Women visitors	The museum, originally opened in Reykjavik in 1997, has now moved to the quiet fishing village of Husavik, 480 km (298 miles) northeast of the capital.		Open from May to September, it is housed in a plain brown building, the entrance marked by a tall brown phallus near the door and a penis-shaped sign over the front porch.		A growing number of people from all over the world view the collection each year, 60 percent of them women.		'We had 6,000 visitors last summer and actually made a profit,' Hjartarson said with a smile.		The specimens, most of which were donated by fishermen, hunters and biologists, are kept in glass jars of formaldehyde or dried and mounted on the wall, creating an atmosphere that is part science lab, part trophy room.		Hjartarson has paid for only one — an elephant penis nearly 1 meter long that hangs, stuffed and mounted on a wooden board, in the museum's 'foreign section.'		He said he began collecting penises 24 years ago, when working as a school administrator, with little notion he would one day be running a museum devoted to the subject.		'It was just a hobby,' he said, adding that the collection was relegated to his office until the inception of the museum.		'They were not on display in the sitting room.'		The museum's 'folklore collection' includes a few sculptures and joke items, but no sex toys or paraphernalia. The more risque displays stay under wraps.		'Two elderly German women came in a while ago and after viewing the exhibit, they scolded me for displaying a group of figurines in Kama Sutra poses, so I put them in here,' Hjartarson said, lifting a black cloth off a glass-topped box labeled 'Erotica'.		'This way nobody has to view them unless they want to.'		Hjartarson maintains a light-hearted approach to his delicate subject matter, saying a sense of humor and a bit of intelligence are necessary to appreciate the collection.		'I hope visitors leave the museum in a better mood than when they arrived,' he said.

Sorted for Haitches and Wizz

[New York] Guys are slathering up their torsos with the hemorrhoid cream Preparation H to make themselves look “ripped” for the ladies … “The way you use it is to take your shirt off and rub it all over yourself before you go to the club … if you want to get [lucky], you have to know how to dance, and if you want girls to dance with you, you have to look ripped” … Preparation H contains a medication called phenylephrine HCL that — when used for the drug’s intended purpose — will shrink the swollen tissues of hemorrhoids. It works by constricting the nearby blood vessels that feed blood and fluid to the area.

Shaking Her Money Maker

A 13-year-old girl’s sexual shenanigans have put a second man behind bars. Morris Williams, 22, told the judge he thought the girl was 18-years-old, but he found out Tuesday that ignorance is not a defense. Morris Williams’ mother wailed as he went off to jail. The judge asked for media not to show 13-year-old Alisha Dean’s face in court, but her pictures are all over her MySpace page and they portray a sexy, 19-year-old divorced woman. “She told me she had just turned 18,” Williams said. Williams said Dean picked him up on the street and after a few conversations they had sex. When he heard she was not 18, he went to her father. “He was like ‘well, she’s 13,’” … Dean has done it before with 24-year-old Darwin Mills. Mills was sentenced to five years in prison … Dean’s family admits Alisha still stays out late and has yet to delete her misleading MySpace page.

Her MySpace page God Plz I Jus Wanna Get Away (now saying she’s 16) is now private, but her booty shaking videos are still on her channel.

Social Oilocracy

A boom in oil has [generally] led to a decline, if not a complete devastation, of conventional businesses … in Britain in the 1980s, after North Sea oil was discovered, the British industrial economy was virtually obliterated, leaving four million people jobless. Among oil economies, Norway … is almost alone in having avoided this fate. As oil has boomed, so has everything else, and it has boomed in areas that will continue to generate economic growth when the oil revenues are gone … while other countries have become apathetic and uncompetitive during petroleum booms, Norway appears near the top of every international index of competitiveness and entrepreneurship. … Only about 10 per cent of Norway’s $70-billion government budget comes from oil money. In order to finance their generous state services and social benefits, Norwegians’ income taxes are among the highest in the world, and their gas stations charge $2.30 for a litre of unleaded – the highest price in the world, in a country that is the world’s third-largest exporter of the stuff. But it’s hard to find Norwegians who consider this a burden. They have among the highest disposable incomes in the world (and the fairest distribution of income: Even the poor are comparatively rich). In every quality-of-life index, Norway ranks at or near the very top … the unemployment rate is currently 2 per cent.

When Life Imitates The Simpsons

As Oil Prices Soar, Restaurant Grease Thefts Rise

The bandit pulled his truck to the back of a Burger King in Northern California one afternoon last month armed with a hose and a tank. After rummaging around assorted restaurant rubbish, he dunked a tube into a smelly storage bin and … vacuumed out about 300 gallons of grease. The man was caught before he could slip away. In his truck, the police found 2,500 gallons of used fryer grease, indicating that the Burger King had not been his first fast-food craving of the day … Cooking oil rustling has become such a problem that the owners of the Olympia Pizza and Pasta Restaurant in Arlington, Wash., [have] been hit seven or eight times since last summer by siphoners who strike in the night. “Fryer grease has become gold”