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Who Will Watch The Watchmen?

I suppose it was only inevitable after the success of the translation of the incredible From Hell from comic book form to movie. The screenwriter from X-Men has been signed on to do Alan Moore’s Watchmen for the big screen. They’ve tried this before, most recently with Terry Gilliam. Maybe it’s the difficult ending, where millions die horribly and nothing is changed, that confuses the Hollywood types.

Surely one of the best graphic novels of the 80s, who will play everyone’s favourite nihilist, Rorschach?

Stood in street. Watched it burn.

Imagined limbless felt torsos inside; breasts blackening; bellies smoldering; busting into flame one by one.

Watched for an hour.

Nobody got out.

Stood in firelight, sweltering. Bloodstain on chest like map of violent new continent. Felt cleansed. Felt dark planet turn under my feet and knew what cats know that makes then scream like babies in night.

Looked at sky through smoke heavy with human fat and God was not there. The cold, suffocating dark goes on forever, and we are alone. Live our lives, lacking anything better to do. Devise reason later. Born from oblivion; bear children, Hell-bound as ourselves; go into oblivion.

There is nothing else.

Existence is random. Has no pattern save what we imagine after staring at it for too long. No meaning save what we choose to impose. This rudderless world is not shaped by vague metaphysical forces. It is not God who kills the children. Not Fate that butchers them or Destiny that feeds them to the dogs.

It’s us.

Only us.

When Coke Machines Attack!

Crushed to DEATH by a Coke vending machine — there are more humilating ways to go, but not many.

Mullet Off

And now, a battle royale between Mullets Galore and Mullet Joe!

Kittens of Doom

One for Halloween, it’s the Kittens of DOOM!!!!

Branson Is Blofeld

Richard Branson is Blofeld! Virgin has been tracking the movements of all of its mobile phone users for years! I always knew Branson looked fishy…

Oklahoma Bombers and Iraq

Another conspiracy theory, linking McVeigh and the Oklahoma bombs, the anthrax letters, general Aryan nutters, and Iraq.

SUVs Total Tuvalu

So farewell then, Tuvalu, we hardly knew ye. This small Pacific bunch of islands punched above its weight a few years ago by selling it’s .tv internet domain name suffix to a San Francisco company for $50m. Now the party is definitely over, though, because burning fossil fuels has finally risen sea levels enough to overwhelm the low-lying islands and the entire population are to become eco refugees. Australia, having traditionally racist immigration policies, has refused them sanctuary so it now appears they are going to settle in New Zealand.

And rising temperatures are throwing Inuit corpses out of their permafrost graves. Shades of Poltergeist!

Our Friends In Pakistan

This is a scary article about Pakistan’s ?24? possible nuclear warheads and how likely – or unlikely – they might be to fall into militant fundamentalist’s hands.

When Soy Just Doesn’t Do It Anymore

What some veggies will do for kicks