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Bush’s Rectal Topography

In a world where the Leader of the Free World can get all lubed up, spreadeagled
, and a video camera inserted up his arse and then despite wall-to-wall cov
era
ge there
is *no* interview with whoever had the job of lubing up the First Bottom, I feel somehow cheated of full surreality. I hope the video recording of this undoubtedly epochal moment will be properly archived for future generations to analyse. Today we pore over tapes of Nixon’s racist obscenities, perhaps future generations will marvel at a Smithsonian exhibit of Bush’s rectal topography. Oh please dear Gods of Fate, let it be so!

Polyps A Go Go And Impending Presidential Flatulence

What is it about Republicans and polyps? Reagan was infested with him, mostly in his nose I understand, and apparently King Bush’s rectum is riddled with them. Is it bad diet or what? All those brandy and cigars in back rooms? So they are going to shove a video camera up Bush’s arse. Now that’s a view of the Prez that they’ll never show the White House Press Lackeys. I understand that common side-effects include bloating and gassing. I wonder if Massive Presidential Flatulence has ever affected negotiations adversely? I watched him give a nebulous speech about Worldcon with Evil Eyes Blair sitting right next him, kind of leaning in to try and be in the camera frame. If he tries that again maybe Bush’s let one loose right in his face. Tony Blair’s composure rattled by farts, that would be something to see.

What if they find something that needs to be cut out? Who gets to keep Bush’s polyps afterward? Will they be sent to the National Archives for future generations to marvel at? Or will they somehow reach the black market. I wonder how much they would fetch on eBay as Presidential memorabilia? So many people seem to want to spend an inordinate amount of time with their heads stuck up politician’s arses, it makes sense they’d like to keep some sort of colonic souvenir.

Apparently Evil Cheney will only be grasping the reins of power for an hour or so… I wonder will he be praying for some sort of colon perforation? With his bad ticker it’s unlikely he’ll outlast Bush so these polyps could be his last, best hope for ABSOLUTE POWER.

Stalking Vermont Varick

So this wedding me and Lisa went to was in Vermont, the state where an old college roomate of mine came from. Spurred by this I did a quick bit of research and found out that he’s now a Marine Corps Captain, well, reservist captain. Varick was the biggest guy I ever met. They even have a photo of him! And by some weird coincidence, his wife’s baby was due yesterday. Ah the Internet, what’s not to love?

AudioGalaxy Backgrounder

Here’s a good backgrounder on the AudioGalaxy emasculation (earlier here).

I note in passing that SomaFM has stopped broadcasting. The revolution will not be streamed, it seems, thanks to the RIAA. Or maybe not.

Weird Weddings

I was at a marriage in Vermont last week between a reformed Jew and a Lutheran. They had a Rabbi and a Priest doing the service. The Rabbi was a gay Irishman with a great singing voice. It was a curious affair because sometimes the Rabbi was singing away in Hebrew, other times the Priest was chanting in Latin, and occasionally both of them were simultaneously repeating the same phrases from their shared scriptures, coming through in stereo as it were. Afterwards, at the party, we did the chair dance thing from Fiddler on the Roof.

Maybe you had to be there. I enjoyed it, but some people would have hated it.

Non-Dairy Creamer Redux

So that guy who was wanking into his co-workers’ coffee has confessed.

Wot? No Abs?!?

Being unemployed I now have a lot more time to watch junk TV and the frequency of those abs buster electro machines is kind of worrying. So I looked at my little Buddah Belly (”cute” according to Lisa) and wondered “What if…?”. Anyway, I resisted dialing the 1800 number and after this temporary insanity had passed, I did some research…

After eight weeks of “training” using EMS, subjects experienced no significant changes in weight, body-fat percentage, strength or overall appearance. Not only was EMS ineffective, it was painful, too.

Apparently, the FDA dislikes them as well. Back to the drawing board…

Martha’s Secret Sauce?

So busy moms are turning to crystal, apparently, so they can get those chores done? It’s back to the 1950s!

Today’s Terrible Teacher

And this guy was a counsellor! It seems as if the media appetite for lecherous teachers is vast, and unquenchable. As is basic human stupidity. I mean, come one, you’re a teacher, you want to avoid prison… it’s very simple: don’t have sex with your students. How can simple impulse control be so damn difficult for some people?

Related here.

Webbys On Skid Row

So I read that the Webbys, which once looked like they were almost cool, have degenerated back to a more normal nerdathon.