Bacterial Bukkake

I read this article, about the “weight” of clouds, and aside from the interesting revelation of a new measurement of weight (units of “elephant”, preferable to 747s, apparently), I was disappointed to find nobody calculated the weight of the bacteria within the clouds. Cloud condensation nuclei can be windblown dust, sea-salt, or exhaust from combustion… but a large fraction of the condensation nuclei are also bacteria. In a functional sense, bacteria create clouds that produce localised temperature differentials and air currents through evaporation and condensation heat exchange, the effect of which conveys the bacteria enormous distances to a new locale. Whereupon the clouds release the bacteria embedded in raindrops or mist and the bacteria fall to the surface to find new food sources and begin multiplying again. In a very real sense, when you see fluffy white clouds, you are looking at bacterial migratory reproductive organs. And when it rains you are getting a bacterial bukkake… I note further that this will be the first appearance of the phrase bacterial bukkake in Google.