meehawl

all that is solid melts into air, all that is holy is profaned

Energy Crisis Solved

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I have found the solution to at least part of the energy crisis. Soon we shall be able to light our cities with burning candles stuck in the ears of the gullible and bamboozled.

In the “theory and research” section I read that “the low flame of the [ear candle] wick creates a slow vacuum which softens and pulls the old wax into the base of the candle” … “Our theory is that [various benefits] are possible because all the passages in the head are interconnected, allowing the candles to drain the entire system osmotically through the membrane of the ear. . . . All nerves have a thin coating of spinal fluid which can become polluted. The fluid in your body circulates 14 times a day in order to cleanse itself. . . . Our cranial bones become misaligned. . . . [Candling] cleans the lymphs within this structure as well as the cochlear hairs themselves.”

Since wax is sticky, the negative pressure needed to pull wax from the canal would have to be so powerful that it would rupture the eardrum in the process. However, candling produces no vacuum. Researchers who measured the pressure during candling of ear models found that no negative pressure was created. The same investigators candled eight ears and found that no ear wax was removed and candle wax was actually deposited in some of them!

A 55 year old female lay midwife was seen at the Brigham Young University Audiology Clinic after she had burned her ear using an ear candle. The patient reported a severe pain during the use of the ear candle which prompted her visit to our clinic. She reported that “after using the ear candles I wasn’t able to hear well out of my right ear and I noticed some bleeding in my ear” … Video otoscopy of her right ear revealed that liquid wax from the ear candle had dripped onto the tympanic membrane.


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