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History Rhyming

So I read in the Guardian that the US-installed Karzai controls little of Afghanistan beyond his presidential palace in Kabul. Meanwhile, the traditional north/south ethnic divide in Afghanistan is spilling over into renewed conflict and assassination. The US avoided garrison duty, and now the British are desperately trying to convince the Turks to take this hot potato. They are refusing.

Reading about increasingly-embattled Karzai remindes me a lot of Vietnam and Generals Thieu and Thé. I read that US warplanes are actively bombing the opposition forces in Afghanistan. And then, fortuitously, I came across this article:

In Vietnam, the United States pursued its interests, as it perceived them, throughout; and as its perceptions changed, so did its allegiances, as any great power’s would. The rest was rhetoric … What political lessons can we learn from this tangle? First, great powers are fickle, and only care about themselves, not their small allies of opportunity, the Generals Thieu and Thé of the present and future. Then again, there is no such thing as a trustworthy surrogate: they have wills of their own, aims that may coincide with their protectors’ only in the short term, and an alarming ability to drag great powers into their quarrels and to change sides when the dollars dry up.

Earlier here.

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Muslims Hate Us Because Their Culture Is Backward and Corrupt

Sometimes rags like the Wall Street Journal manage to publish something that’s so spectacularly conceited it takes my breath away.

Europeans, not Ottomans, colonized central and southern Africa, Asia and the Pacific and the Americas–and not merely because of their Atlantic ports or ocean ships but rather because of their longstanding attitudes and traditions about scientific inquiry, secular thought, free markets and individual ingenuity and spontaneity.

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I Who Am the Sultan of Sultans

I liked this extensive history of Islam. What a cool way to rub the nose of the King of France into the dust.

I who am the Sultan of Sultans, the sovereign of sovereigns, the dispenser of crowns to the monarchs on the face of the earth, the shadow of God on Earth, the Sultan and sovereign lord of the White Sea and of the Black Sea, of Rumelia and of Anatolia, of Karamania, of the land of Rum, of Zulkadria, of Diyarbekir, of Kurdistan, of Aizerbaijan, of Persia, of Damascus, of Aleppo, of Cairo, of Mecca, of Medina, of Jerusalem, of all Arabia, of Yemen and of many other lands which my noble fore-fathers and my glorious ancestors (may Allah light up their tombs!) conquered by the force of their arms and which my August Majesty has made subject to my flaming sword and my victorious blade, I, Sultan Suleiman Khan, son of Sultan Selim, son of Sultan Bayezid: To thee, who art Francis, King of the land of France.

Anyway, Tariq Ali explores how the advancement of democracy and secularization within Islamic countries has been resisted, first by Islam’s own theocratic despots, then by Western powers eager to centralise control within a small handpicked cadre.

It was the discovery of black gold underneath the Arabian desert that provided the old religion with the means and wherewithal to revive its culture while Britain created new sultans and emirs to safeguard their newest and most precious commodity. Throughout the 20th century, the West, to safeguard its own economic interests, supported the most backward, despotic and reactionary survivals from the past, helping to defeat all forms of secularism.

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They Fight Crime

He’s an ungodly one-eyed Republican astronaut who must take medication to keep him sane.
She’s a scantily clad wisecracking vampire who dreams of becoming Elvis.

They fight crime!

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The 20th Century Was the Most Murderous in Recorded History

The 20th century was the most murderous in recorded history. The total number of deaths caused by or associated with its wars has been estimated at 187m, the equivalent of more than 10% of the world’s population in 1913 … The period from 1914 to 1945 can be regarded as a single “30 years’ war” interrupted only by a pause in the 1920s … This was followed, almost immediately, by some 40 years of cold war, which conformed to Hobbes’s definition of war as consisting “not in battle only or the act of fighting, but in a tract of time wherein the will to contend by battle is sufficiently known”.

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If The Girls Had Been Dogs The Police Would Have Done More

So this rich pig farmer went on a killing spree in Vancouver. because he was killing hookers, the police didn’t really care, even when stabbed and bleeding prostitutes escaped running in terror from his pig farm.

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Designer Baby – I’ll Have One In Black Please

So this woman carries a gene that’ll kill her through Alzeheimer by the time she’s 50. Any child of hers was going to stand a 50/50 chance of inheriting the gene. So she had her eggs screened until surgeons found one that was free of the early-onset Alzeheimer gene, then had it fertilized and implanted.

Of course, by the time her daughter is 10 years old, the mother’s senility will prevent her from recognizing her daughter…

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US Troops Deploying In Georgia… No, Not The State, the Country

Hunting Al Qaeda, apparently. Of course, Georgia’s unique position between the Black Sea, Russia, and Turkey and adjacant to the juicy oilfields there is also a factor. Routing through Georgia would allow the US to bypass Iran completely, and not have to rely on the increasingly shaky Afghan client government. Of course, this will piss off the Russians… but if they get to sell their oil through the pipeline they could be very happy.

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Let Them Eat Cake

So contrary to what they said earlier, now the WSJ says the Bush Gang is actively opposing universal broadband access. The head of the FCC, which used to regulate the airwaves “for the common good”, now sneers that creating an equal playing field is socialization. Ah Powell the Younger, such a disagreeable, bureaucratic apparatchik. Is his callousness just a developed, intellectualised form of black-on-black violence?

The fact that his Daddy, the Uranium Bomber and My Lai Apologist Colin Powell the Elder, a director of AOL who owns many millions of dollars of AOL stock, resigned the AOL board the day before the vote to merge with TimeWarner went through, didn’t stop Powell the Younger from voting to approve the merger, claiming there was no conflict of interest, shouldn’t surprise anybody.

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Excuse My Face, It Won’t Go Away

So Spike Milligan finally died, possibly the funniest ersatz Irishman of the late 20th Century. I liked this interview with Van Morrison:

S: Are you a Proddy, Van? Don’t come near me, I don’t want to catch it.
V: Basically I’m not really anything.

S: Aren’t you? So when I introduce you to people I say, “Here is Not Anything. This is Van Not Anything Morrison. A singer and Not Anything.” You must be something.
V: Well theoretically I’m Church Of Ireland.

S: Proddy? Oh Jaysus I won’t mention this to my mother. “Dear Mother, I spoke to a Protestant today.” “Oh God forgive you, son. Go and confess it.” “Father I have sinned.” Amazing the power of the Catholic Church. My father went bald very early, and he was so incensed by it that he went to church and prayed for it to come back. I’m certain he went to a priest and confessed, “Dear Father forgive me, I have gone bald.” “Go away, my son, buy three wigs and say one Hail Mary.”

Without dear old Spike there would have been no Monty Python, or Father Ted, or League of Gentlemen, and the world would have been a meaner place.

I remember being a small child, in the 1970s, watching Spike’s TV shows in a bemused and baffled state, knowing there was something desperately funny and bizarre going on yet kind of wondering why it didn’t seem to make as much sense as Monty Python or Fawlty Towers or The Goodies. I thought at the time they were better. Now I know they were merely simpler, comedy-by-committee made to fit into neat TV genre slots, instead of the wild anarchic Dada genius of Spike.

A liking for Spike Milligan and crumbly old scifi magazines from the 1930s were probably the two best things me and my Grandad shared. We Gooned together.

He was knighted by the English Queen but, because of his acceptance of Irish citizenship (which forbids the use of English titles), he could not be known as Sir Spike. His vegetarianism and environmentalism inspired me as a callow teen to take that route.

On his 75th birthday, he had this to say:
When I look back, the fondest memory I have is not really of the Goons. It is of a girl called Julia with enormous breasts.

He once said he wanted the epitaph on his grave to read:
I told you I was ill.

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